It's funny how accurate my intuitions are.

You know, I've used humour (or attempted humour; I know I'm not very funny) a lot on this blog to deal with my unhappiness, but I think that I've reached the point where trying to be funny just isn't going to cut it, because I really feel now that all this is just shit. On the other hand, I don't want to turn this into a litany of woe either because I know that a lot of the people who read this aren't exactly waltzing down the primrose path themselves.

Ergo. I'm going to stop writing entries for a while, just to give myself time to regroup and come to terms with the fact that there is bloody nothing in this country for me, and that it's time to seriously think about going away -- far away -- possibly never to return.

It's easy to say (in retrospect) that I should have just gone straight to grad school, but as I told my parents last night, that would not have cut it simply because I would not have had the experience of struggling and failing and struggling and failing again, and the escape would have been too cheaply bought. I would probably have been in Minnesota now blogging about freezing my ass off and how much I want tahu goreng and blah blah blah woe is me. Too light winning making the prize light etc.

So perhaps the suffering was necessary. I don't know.

I have not been thinking straight for two days because I've been too busy hurting and feeling really sick.

So: hiatus. Su-Lin: thanks for the offer of cake.

I'll be back, I promise. I just need some time.