i wake up
i think: ok, i will turn down grad school for now, and make the best of it in singapore for the time being
because: i am not sure, and the bio grad students i have got to know here tell me that if i am not sure, the best thing to do is give it time.
work.
get some non-academic experience.
and then, i start reading through email from friends and family who feel otherwise, and that all makes perfect sense too, and i mull over what life will be like in minneapolis for an hour or so instead of doing my research paper which really ought to have been done yesterday but isn't
and i think: hmm. the thought of continuing to be a student is sort of comfortable
like macaroni and cheese from boston market
or a new fleece
and then i go to church and realize how insignificantly small this decision is against, say, christ's decision to hang on a piece of wood for several hours to redeem mankind, or pontius pilate's decision to make christ hang on said piece of wood.
and then the nice lady who gives me a ride home tells me that i do, indeed, have much to ponder over and i want to break down right there in the front seat of her car
and everyone tells me to do what makes me happy, except god knows i've been trying to do that all my life with end results that do not correlate at all with the effort i put into acquiring this happiness

bah.
this will not hang over my head beyond sunday. i promise myself that.