With the exception of certain personages who believe that fictional characters are not important, I believe I speak for many of us in saying that the TV writer's strike has left us with plenty of free time we otherwise would not have had. To fill those hours, i offer the following suggestions:
1) Instead of watching C.S.I...
... plan the perfect murder. I've done this on numerous occasions, and it's a most enlightening exercise. The rules: the victim has to be someone you know, and you have to have a reasonable motive for wanting to do away with him or her. You must not get caught and convicted. You can assume reasonably good luck to be on your side, but cannot break the laws of physics.
2) Instead of watching Lost...
... check yourself into a hotel for a few days and see how long it takes for someone to call the police and declare you a missing person. once you find out, you'll learn a lot about your self-esteem ("You took how long? Don't you love me???"), and/or reveal that your family is a bunch of pot-smokers ("I'm home!""You left?")
3) Instead of watching Heroes...
... play this game with a friend. Each of you takes it in turn to walk up to a random stranger and yell 'Yatta!'. First one to get beaten up by a skinhead homophobe loses.
4) Instead of watching 24 ...
... make it the goal of your life to reduce your commute time to under 13 minutes no matter where your starting point and destination. Because if Jack Bauer can do it in L.A. rush-hour traffic, gosh darn it, so can you.
5) Instead of watching The Office ...
... bring a video camera disguised as a pencil sharpener into your office and film random 10-minute snippets of every day. Watch them at home at night. Weep when you realize the clips are indistinguishable from this show.
6) Instead of watching House ...
... buy a cane sword and teach yourself how to fence. En garde!
7) Instead of watching Battlestar Galactica...
... build a real-life model of a Raptor using only items currently in your home. You may, if you wish, break down appliances for scrap metal.
8) Instead of watching Grey's Anatomy
... get together with someone, then break up with them, then sleep with their partner, then get together with the original person you were with and cause your best friend to break up with her husband, then steal an ambulance and crash it into another one in front of your local hospital's emergency room.
9) Instead of watching Samantha Who...
... wait you watch Samantha Who? Clearly you're not someone I know.
10) Instead of watching Friday Night Lights...
... go now, and buy this poster, and hang it on your wall, and put on your Dillon Panthers jacket, and pretend that Matt Saracen is singing Mr. Sandman, and melt into a small warm puddle on the floor.
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