the usual retrospective nonsense

while 2006 was the year i actually left to do my phd, 2007 marked the beginning of what things are going to be like until i graduate. the plan for my research coalesced. i foolishly took multivariate statistics, and went to new york a bunch of times, and reaffirmed again and again the fact that graduate school is hard as hell and that, unlike the sometimes posturing as an undergrad, work on a phd may actually crush you if you let it. i got a my master's degree after being given a very silly committee who variously knew too much or nothing at all. the advisor was good, is good, and for that i'm grateful, because there were and are living examples of people in the department for whom that is not true.

i got to spend a summer living in the united states, as opposed to simply residing there, exploring the farmers' markets and cafes and sampling america without the structure of a semester or classes, without time being marked by the due dates of papers and final exams. it was exceedingly hot. the mother came, and there were rats , and furious quarrels with the contractor, and it was stressful.

through grace alone i found the housemate and the other housemate and persuaded them that i was trustworthy enough to be given $x a month in exchange for a roof over their heads. i moved into our new place. clinic duties began, and teaching, and the next 3 months passed by in a blizzard of caffeine and sleepless nights and never-ending reports and pushing daisies and reading club, and i tell myself again and again that next semester will be easier, but that's not true.

it was an important year, i suppose, in that things moved along, but i can't say that i'm too displeased to be done with it. i guess that's kind of critical though -- if you can't have a fun year, or a meaningful year, at least let it be important, and move you further along the track towards wherever it is you think you're going.

so, to one and all: happy new year, and may it bring you forward, and peace.

although it will never quite be the same for me, merry christmas to everyone, and may your day be as perfect as it gets.

sg

after 3 days of rather intense catching-up, i realize that i'm not as young as i used to be, and it comforts me little to know that every time i come back from now till i graduate will be more and more exhausting. this as the little police state gets increasingly crowded, and not just in the malls, but everywhere, and everyone so young and blithe. i can deal, but not as a young person; i feel now more than ever that i have to go around in long sleeves and tie and hang in snooty bars and coffee houses where they charge $9.50 for a latte, regardless of whether or not my stipend can support that, because of, you know, no longer seeing through a glass darkly. there is something i've missed by not being here consistently since '01, some transition that people in nus law and medicine make that i just completely bypassed, where you learn to vanish into secret places in roads only accessible by car and sip dark wines and make quiet conversation. i need to have more money. i need to stop getting caught in liminal spaces.

I admit it: there were a lot of bloggable things that went unblogged, but the impetus is lost now, and the semester just about over. I'm leaving on Wednesday morning, and working virtually up till when I have to go -- final exams from my undergrads come in Monday, and I have a client to see on Tuesday morn. Right now, the only thing I have on my mind to pack is the DVD I've burned of QI Season 5, so I shall try not be surprised when I get back home and have Stephen Fry to watch and no underwear or toothbrush. Priorities.

committee

we're supposed to meet once a semester starting from this one so that all involved know that i'm on the right track and not spending my time learning llama herding or getting fluent in pirahã. to clarify, the committee i have now is different than the one with which i defended my masters' thesis. most notably, i got to choose the people on it, and so no longer have the gorgon lady but three reasonably nice and very intelligent people. aside from my advisor, who doth bestride the narrow world like a colossus, i have someone who's more a psychology type, and someone who's more a neuroscience type, thus balance to the force etc. we had a very civil meeting, where i got to speak without interruption for a good long while before getting comments on how my stats were wrong (my stats are mostly wrong). still, i was let down gently, which was appreciated, and scary remarks were made to the effect that i could try and graduate in 4 years, to which my reply was 'are you $%#^ing out of your mind?' you get lucky with one set of results. expectations must be moderated; this semester was like a punch to the kidneys, not an experience worth repeating if at all possible, and i know i say this all the time, but it's time to slow things up.

after playing for many years with quantities of sugar/butter/etc., i think i've finally come up with a brownie recipe that i really like. important quantities -- 8 oz chocolate: 225g sugar: 375g butter + cinnamon + cayenne pepper + other mysterious secret things. i know that su-lin already disapproves of the cinnamon + cayenne pepper + other mysterious secret things, but i don't care, because IMHO they are outrageously good.

ethnic potluck

-- was a great success, one that i would have written about earlier except that my schoolwork consumed every waking moment of last week. anyhow, it's now too distant for me to feel inspired to talk about it except to say that there is a shocking amount of culinary talent in our department. in brief:

1. chlebièky: potato salad and cold cuts on sliced baguette
2. latkes
3. polish red cabbage soup
4. cheddar cheese and beer soup (oh yeah)
5. moussaka
6. chicken adobo
7. vegetable tikka masala
8. soy meat curry with coconut sambol
9. thai chili shrimp
10. whoopie pies
11. red velvet cake
12. pumpkin pie

autism