the paper went in for peer review this afternoon. this made me much happier than i thought it would, not just because it's done (for the time being anyway), but because i feel that at last i've accomplished something in life that's not just getting an A on an exam -- this feels somehow real. it's ironic, i guess, that this satisfaction has been granted to me through academia, which many people would sniff at as being the most unreal pursuit in life, and once again i find myself taking stock to make sure that the feeling does not arise simply because i cannot successfully do anything else. those who can't do, teach; those who can't teach, do research. if you can't wrest the swings and see-saws away from the rich and handsome people, make your own playground. and in a sense, it's all my own personal playground from here on in, isn't it, all internal measures of success, quiet victories won where no one else can even tell triumph from defeat?