i think my difficulty with teaching is seeing it as the actual 'job' part of my work, as opposed to the research and clinic hours that i supposedly want to do. (supposedly). when kids don't show up, even after promises of handouts and candy and exam hints, i take it as a personal affront, even though i know it's that undergraduates just haven't gotten out of bed at 9 in the morning.

but the real transaction is this: the department paid me x amount of money last year, and i have to give them 2 semesters of good service in return. nowhere does it come into the equation that students have to avail themselves of this service. it's the kind of logic you have to beat into your head with a stick, especially when you have the disposition to take things all too personally, but the head-beating, nevertheless, has to occur.