self-doubt

I concede: standing in front of a class for an hour-and-a-half and being in charge is difficult. The stress equation I had in mind was:

Anxiety [teaching] = Anxiety [giving a presentation] - [undergrads are not really that smart] - [I'm the one grading your test papers].

No. The stress of standing in front of a classroom is qualitatively different from the stress of giving a talk, and I've pinned down why -- it's because I'm desperate for the kids to like me, and the difference between that and simply wanting respect because I have a handle on the material is enormous. The feeling must be gotten rid of! If there ever were a time for high ideals, surely this is it, passing the torch on to the next generation, the teacher represents the institution not herself etc. Or is that misguided? Is it that being liked is integral to the classroom dynamic -- not liked by each individual necessary, but by the vox populi?

And science classes are tough to TA -- when you ask a question there's little room for discussion, you get it right or wrong, and no one wants to be wrong. On top of that, I'm not always sure I'm right -- it's been a long time since I considered neuroscience at the level of neurons and systems -- and so whenever anyone raises their hand to ask a question I go all tingly in case it's the one I should know how to answer but don't. All in all, it's more stress than I bargained for, and I already have to set exam questions which is going to take me all bloody night.