Minnesota, MN

And so, after six months, eight applications, countless emails and numerous trips, it comes down to this: do I, or do I not want to study clinical psychology in the University of Minnesota?

I’ve operated on cruise control for so much of my life up till now that I find myself absolutely unable to make a decision. Significant life decisions made to date – probably one (not applying for a scholarship). Everything else – plainly obvious, falling into place like cutouts in a child’s matching game. Here, even not choosing is to choose. Either I enroll or I don’t enroll.

So what goes into it?

Pros:
* I do really like the program. It is, after all, one of the top 5 clinical programs in the country (and probably, by extension, the world, considering the state of affairs of graduate study in most other countries).
* I’d be able to pursue my interest in fMRI while getting a “useful” (always with the pragmatics) professional degree.
* The students are friendly and non-intimidating. Dr. Angus is a wonderful man who seems genuinely interested in having me join his lab.
* Minnesota is not at all ulu, unlike Durham, North Carolina

Cons:
* 6 years. Dear holy heaven.
* Abysmal stipend when compared to other schools, even when compared to other departments within Minnesota.
* -20F temperatures in the winter.
* No deferment. I would have to go straight in.
* Lots of work, all year round.

Isn’t the decision impossible? This should not be the something one is called on to decide at the tender age of 23. This isn’t something that one should be called on to decide at the age of 73. I didn’t want this blog entry to come out this way. I wanted to be all flippant the way I was after Hopkins, muttering on about inconsequentials like blueberry pancakes and artwork inspired by gel electrophoresis and Dr. Angus’ tangles with the Taliban. But I can’t. Instead, I’m sitting here agitated, overstimulated, on the carpeted floor of the Days Inn spilling my guts all over the Internet in the hopes that some divine presence will guide me towards making the right choice.