There really is nothing to do in my independent study until we get more data, but I decided "show face" in the lab today anyway. I am really concerned that I'm not doing enough work, but (a) I don't know how to bring it up with my professor and (b) I'm not sure there is any more work for me to do even if I did bring it up. I don't particularly care about my grade because my GPA from here on in is moot anyway (my senior grades won't be on my transcript when grad schools evaluate them) but I need my professor to give me a good recommendation. Thus, the showing face. As long as I maintain the illusion that I'm trying to be industrious, his good impression of me carried over from last semester should hold out. I hope.

Oh, and Gabriel, ex-roommate, asked me to write him a recommendation for some mission trip, which made me think about how my professors will be sitting in their office thinking of good things to say about me in the near future, which made me nervous. As I actually wrote the thing, I had to keep checking myself because every single positive thing I wrote down sounded phony and disingenuous - things you say only because you're filling in a recommendation. Dammit. I'm all in knots. Time to do something else.

The temperature has dropped precipitously.

Have been rather short of time to write in here lately, but suffice it say that my weekend was full of wine (free) and song (the Ciompi Quartet playing Dvorak's Opus 81).

I've finished Oryx and Crake and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it, though I do recommend it. On the one hand, I'm not sure what sets it apart from the rest of the dystopian literature out there, and on the other, it is true that Margaret Atwood did establish herself as one of the seminal writers of the genre when she did The Handmaid's Tale. I'll have to think on't a little more. I really want to read Brick Lane as well but the damn library copy is loaned out and not due till next month.

I participated in a most evil study today. First, they showed me these two advertisements for sports drinks and gave me about 5 minutes to study them (they were approximately the same). Then I was put in this room and made to eat crackers (brand A and B) and fill in questionnaires about how salty/cheesy/spicy, etc. I thought they were. Then came this computer divided attention test. Finally, they brought "actual" samples of the two sports drinks out (one was clear and the other was orange) and told me to taste them and fill in a questionnaire about which I preferred, etc. Now, the evil thing was that almost all of the experiment was just a distraction from the fact that during the divided attention test, they were flashing subliminal messages at me (the cooked-up brand name of one of the drinks). Then, the test was which of the drinks I would try first and which one I would drink more of. Damn psychologists. Oh wait, that's me.

Books:
Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood (good!)

It is bad enough that my professor has used the phrase "more better" at every conceivable opportunity in the last 5 weeks, but I really draw the line at "more best".

I skipped abnormal psych section today to go to an information session for applying to Berkeley grad school and offered to do a 2-page paper in exchange (because attendance at section is worht marks that count towards final grade etc.) I half expected the TA to be like whatever, you don't have to hand in a paper, just make sure you read the articles, but evilly, she really is making me do it. Damn. Obviously the honor code counts for nothing in this school.

I grin madly at the fact that I earned more money in three hours today than a lot of people do working a ten hour shift. Heh heh. Of course, getting scanned for two hours was not the most fun thing ever, especially when it was a passive viewing experiment and all I got to do the entire time was stare at this man reaching towards an object over and over and over again.

Am trying to compose e-mail to grad school professors to tell them how madly in love I am with their work, except that I keep getting distracted my people messaging me and TWOP forums and writing in blogs. Must concentrate.

Bleh.

Everyone has such interesting things to say about themselves compared to the mundanity of me. E.g. Minzhi's blog There must be some explanation for it. Perhaps it is psychological, like I filter out the exciting things and leave the dregs of routine behind.

To anyone who has HBO: can I recommend you watch Carnivale just because it is so fresh and different from anything else on television at the moment. And it teems with religious symbolism, which of course I can resist as much as a kid can resist candy.

Books:
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman

Songs:
Slumber My Darling - Alison Kraus

I finally managed to persuade Han to accompany me to the new tapas bar on Ninth Street. The concept of tapas is quite delightful to me. The restaurant's name is "Bakus" which puzzled us greatly because we weren't sure if it was a pun, the Spanish spelling of the Greek god, or a mistake.

We had mostly vegetarian stuff (because of Han), and it was fine, a little below my expectations, but worth the visit. The desserts and the sangria were excellent, so I guess that alone made it worthwhile. Question: what is a compote, and how do you make one?

The waitress who served us was the same one who was invited to my psychology class as a guest speaker (to talk about how she applies memory strategies etc. in her job), so it was a bit of an embarrassment that she forgot part of our order and then messed up the check. We didn't call her on it though.

The rest of the day had a lot of fallen branches and cups of coffee in it.

Damn weather.

"MOREHEAD CITY, N.C. - Traffic streamed inland from the vulnerable Outer Banks on Wednesday as thousands of residents and visitors alike headed for higher ground ahead of approaching Hurricane Isabel. Thousands more were ordered to evacuate in Virginia.

By midday Wednesday, more than 200,000 people in North Carolina and Virginia had been told to evacuate, with orders stretching beyond the coast into low-lying inland areas and islands deep inside Chesapeake Bay.

Forecasters predicted little change in strength before Isabel, the biggest storm to hit the region since Hurricane Floyd in 1999, makes landfall sometime Thursday morning along the Outer Banks, the thin, 120-mile-long chain of islands."

Hurricane Isabel is headed for Duke. Beaufort might be evacuated. Are hurricanes very bad news? I can't say I've ever been in one.

My AMEX card got suddenly and mysteriously cancelled, and I can't figure out why. I paid all my bills on time. I never went over the credit limit. The expiration date is two years from now. It's quite beyond me, and the customer service hotline is horrible. Poop.

Still on money news, I did a study today where I got paid $4 to watch an episode of Friends and answer some questions after that. And then I gave an hour of tuition and realized that I've forgotten half my stuff from Bio 25 and should go and do some actual reading before I try to teach other people things I don't know. Ooh...and I'm going to be scanned as the first subject in my own experiment next week (for $40). Cheap and cheesy. High science!

I just came back from hearing Nancy Cartwright give a talk! (And if you don't know who Nancy Cartwright is you should go stand in a corner) She was very entertaining, and she did all her voices, including Mindy from Animaniacs. Prize winner for Worst. Question. Ever. during the ensuing Q&A was this gem: "What would you say is the theme of The Simpsons?" Um. Hello. Earth to Nerdsville. This is your captain speaking. Get a life. Oh, and grow a brain while you're about it.

And then Karen went to get hotdogs after that and we totally squicked ourselves out talking about the manner of processed non-meat that probably goes into them. And nitrites.

There are 99 cent DVDs on sale in half.com. My eyes are misting over.

Books:
The Problem of the Soul - Owen Flanagan

It is inexplicably chilly in this room. And I'm annoyed, not just because of the chilliness, but because of the accumulation of all the annoying things in my life: that I don't have a car, that I have an underbite, that I have to do laundry, that other people are, a lot of the time, jerks, and so on. I don't feel like doing work, even though I'm supposed to program an animation of blinking and moving dots, which, incidentally, I don't have the foggiest idea how to do. If anyone reading this knows VisualBasic, by e-mail is jzl@duke.edu. Thank you.

Songs:
Shelter From the Storm - Bob Dylan

Almost finished with UPenn form.

You know that new SARS case? I think the ward he was working in is right below the Brain Center. Hmm.

Sang at birthday party of someone called Richard. They hired our group for $30. Then we went to Rick's and Rebecca and Kristin and Jeremy told gross stories which I shan't repeat here, and at least 2 people in our group admitted that his or her IQ is more than 135 (although I suppose that should be rather quotidian in Duke University).

So the Chronicle today runs this huge front page story about how international enrollment has increased x-fold over the past few years due to intense recruiting efforts by the International Office in Asia and Europe and blah dee blah. Accompanying it is this lovely colorful graphic with the number of students from each country in 2002-2003. It says that there were 21 undergrads from Singapore with the Taiwanese flag next to the country's name to emphasize the point. An e-mail has been sent to the editor.

I really have to force myself to go and fill in those forms or I'll die later in the semester.

Full of sangria and quiche and canapes.

Updated list of grad schools:
Yale
Harvard
U Minnesota
CMU
MIT
Berkeley
Johns Hopkins
U Illinois
U Penn

Is there some way to stop yourself from drooling in your sleep? Because I'd like to know it. Drool is gross.

So no, I'm not taking any other course to replace the one I dropped. I figure I'll just do 4.5 next semester. I can even do that at the Marine Lab if need be so whatever. I'm not going to look for creative ways to torture myself.

I met my Independent Study prof. for the 1st time today...and got 120 pages of reading for my trouble. Not that I'm complaining...the BIAC people are great, I might get an opportunity to publish something under them this semester, and they may well be my ticket into grad school. I will do my reading. Happily. Or as happily as I can. Mmmm...coffee.

Books:
The Birth of Venus - Sarah Dunant

i dropped my house course because the teacher was full of bullshit, pardon my french. thus the dilemma: do i sign up for another 0.5 credit course this semester or leave it till next? none of the other house courses look particularly interesting. i could do a pe course...or a music course or take something pass/fail...

yuk.

aargh.

i mean, i hate to drop courses once i'm in them but this guy was just going on and on about how he changed the lives of all these students who took the course under him before and he [i]cried[/i] while he was reading one of his own stories and i was like oh my god shut up already you pretentious buffoon.

aargh.

in other news, i was talking with this grad student who's studying clinical psych and she was told to apply to at least 10 schools to stand a decent chance of getting into a good program. my list, therefore has expanded to include upenn and u illinois (urbana champaign)

gululugulugulugulugulugulugulug

I am being nerdy, despite myself. I am trying to completely cover one of the walls of our room with poetry. Clearly, I have too much free time on my hands. The poetry goes like this:

My prime of youth is but a frost of cares,
My feast of joy is but a dish of pain,
My crop of corn is but a field of tares,
And all my good is but vain hope of gain;
The day is past, and yet I saw no sun,
And now I live, and now my life is done.

Songs:
How Can I Keep From Singing - Enya

And that no matter how much you scream inside, sometimes you just don't get what you want.

In fact, often.

And that wanting something can be like ten thousand needles pricking into your heart.

The lesson for today is as follows:

You can never have too much cake.